Words of Advice and Encouragement

Raising up loving, well adjusted children is the world's hardest, but most important "job". One comment that I hear often from parents is, "How am I supposed to know how to handle this? I'm not a counselor or a teacher. I've never worked with children."

This is so true. Many people who become parents have never really interacted with children much and they have no frame of reference. These questions and concerns become magnified for parents when they have children whose behaviors are considered severe and challenging. If you are one of these parents, I'm sure there are days when you have thoughts like, "I didn't sign up for this." "Will this ever end?" "I can't handle this. I'm a failure." Well, you are not alone. Many parents feel this way.

At the last parenting conference I went to, I began writing down all of the advice and words of wisdom, and questions to ask yourself that the speakers and other parents were offering. They are listed below. Read and be encouraged. There is always HOPE...

1. Ask yourself, what does love look like to my child? Do that...
2. Our children give us the answers as we listen to their behaviors. They know exactly what they need.
3. If you're not at peace with yourself, it's impossible to have peace in your home.
4. LOVE increases a child's stress tolerance.
5. Are you attuned to your child?
6. As children heal, you won't have to rearrange your life so much.
7. Look for ONE miracle per day.
8. THE WORST MOMENTS OF CHAOS ARE THE BEST MOMENTS OF HEALING....when handled with LOVE and PATIENCE.
9. When your child is triggered, it opens a crevasse to access pain in order to heal.

10. Test your own rationale when it comes to your rules. What do you really believe?
11. WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD NEED BASED ON WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? Oftentimes what they are saying or asking for is not the real issue....
12. Some children believe if it's important to you, you keep it in your pocket or under your pillow.(Keep this in mind with hoarding behaviors and adopted children where you are unaware of their history)
13. Stealing can bring comfort. It's about regulation.(Figure out why your child is deregulated)
14. Our children are NOT damaged, they ARE scared.
15. See past the behavior to the need.
16. Our love can NOT be conditional
17. Be very intentional about the foods you are feeding your child. It plays a part in their behavior and ability to regulate themselves.