My Parent's Heart...

You are probably reading this because you are impacted by a child or children in some way. The heart of a parent came about because I so desperately want children and that isn't a part of my life yet. Because of the experiences and training that I've had, I decided to start a resource to help parents in dealing with their children.

The concept has grown since I first conceived of it. What God has shown me is that the HEART of a parent is so important. It has to be healed, nourished, and loved in order to create the environment of love that the children in their care need to thrive.

A Mom that I look up to with the utmost respect, Cheri Bollmann, pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago that God is the perfect parent. I knew that, but hearing her describe how HE loves, put things in an entirely different perspective for me. We can not be God, nor should we strive to be HIM...However, there are things that we as parents, caregivers, mentors, grandparents, etc. etc. can do to prepare our parent's heart to nurture the hearts of our children.

In this blog, you will find resources, book lists, updates on my own journey, information on classes, and eventually testimonials of parents whose lives and relationships with their children were radically changed as they learned to take care of their parent's heart in order to pour out LOVE to their children...

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Words of Advice and Encouragement

Raising up loving, well adjusted children is the world's hardest, but most important "job". One comment that I hear often from parents is, "How am I supposed to know how to handle this? I'm not a counselor or a teacher. I've never worked with children."

This is so true. Many people who become parents have never really interacted with children much and they have no frame of reference. These questions and concerns become magnified for parents when they have children whose behaviors are considered severe and challenging. If you are one of these parents, I'm sure there are days when you have thoughts like, "I didn't sign up for this." "Will this ever end?" "I can't handle this. I'm a failure." Well, you are not alone. Many parents feel this way.

At the last parenting conference I went to, I began writing down all of the advice and words of wisdom, and questions to ask yourself that the speakers and other parents were offering. They are listed below. Read and be encouraged. There is always HOPE...

1. Ask yourself, what does love look like to my child? Do that...
2. Our children give us the answers as we listen to their behaviors. They know exactly what they need.
3. If you're not at peace with yourself, it's impossible to have peace in your home.
4. LOVE increases a child's stress tolerance.
5. Are you attuned to your child?
6. As children heal, you won't have to rearrange your life so much.
7. Look for ONE miracle per day.
9. When your child is triggered, it opens a crevasse to access pain in order to heal.

10. Test your own rationale when it comes to your rules. What do you really believe?
11. WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD NEED BASED ON WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? Oftentimes what they are saying or asking for is not the real issue....
12. Some children believe if it's important to you, you keep it in your pocket or under your pillow.(Keep this in mind with hoarding behaviors and adopted children where you are unaware of their history)
13. Stealing can bring comfort. It's about regulation.(Figure out why your child is deregulated)
14. Our children are NOT damaged, they ARE scared.
15. See past the behavior to the need.
16. Our love can NOT be conditional
17. Be very intentional about the foods you are feeding your child. It plays a part in their behavior and ability to regulate themselves.