The Heart Of A Parent

Words of Advice and Encouragement

2008-10-30T06:39:00.000-07:00

Raising up loving, well adjusted children is the world's hardest, but most important "job". One comment that I hear often from parents is, "How am I supposed to know how to handle this? I'm not a counselor or a teacher. I've never worked with children."

This is so true. Many people who become parents have never really interacted with children much and they have no frame of reference. These questions and concerns become magnified for parents when they have children whose behaviors are considered severe and challenging. If you are one of these parents, I'm sure there are days when you have thoughts like, "I didn't sign up for this." "Will this ever end?" "I can't handle this. I'm a failure." Well, you are not alone. Many parents feel this way.

At the last parenting conference I went to, I began writing down all of the advice and words of wisdom, and questions to ask yourself that the speakers and other parents were offering. They are listed below. Read and be encouraged. There is always HOPE...

1. Ask yourself, what does love look like to my child? Do that...
2. Our children give us the answers as we listen to their behaviors. They know exactly what they need.
3. If you're not at peace with yourself, it's impossible to have peace in your home.
4. LOVE increases a child's stress tolerance.
5. Are you attuned to your child?
6. As children heal, you won't have to rearrange your life so much.
7. Look for ONE miracle per day.
8. THE WORST MOMENTS OF CHAOS ARE THE BEST MOMENTS OF HEALING....when handled with LOVE and PATIENCE.
9. When your child is triggered, it opens a crevasse to access pain in order to heal.

10. Test your own rationale when it comes to your rules. What do you really believe?
11. WHAT DOES YOUR CHILD NEED BASED ON WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? Oftentimes what they are saying or asking for is not the real issue....
12. Some children believe if it's important to you, you keep it in your pocket or under your pillow.(Keep this in mind with hoarding behaviors and adopted children where you are unaware of their history)
13. Stealing can bring comfort. It's about regulation.(Figure out why your child is deregulated)
14. Our children are NOT damaged, they ARE scared.
15. See past the behavior to the need.
16. Our love can NOT be conditional
17. Be very intentional about the foods you are feeding your child. It plays a part in their behavior and ability to regulate themselves.

Beyond Consequences~Dealing with A Parent's Heart

2008-09-23T07:31:00.000-07:00

Hi! I'm back. I am now a Certified Beyond Consequences Instructor(BCI). Listen everyone, I had no idea the journey that this would begin in my life. I still don't think I know all of how this will impact my life and the lives of others.

Before I say anything else, I must say that whether you are a parent, teacher, social worker, counselor, case manager, or ANYONE dealing with children on a regular basis, you NEED to know about Heather Forbes and Beyond Consequences. Actually, even if you don't deal with children, but you deal with people, you should know about Heather Forbes and Beyond Consequences. The basis is LOVE and every relationship could use some extra doses of LOVE.

Sometimes I still struggle with the why God keeps putting me in position to give input to families when I don't have one of my own. Some of that has to do with wanting a family, but now I'm realizing that more than that, I still need to deal with some of my own insecurities of being too young, or inexperienced. To God, none of that matters. He has given me a passion and a mission and HE says it is for now, not for when I feel like I've arrived.

So, what is the mission? My mission and greatest passion is to see families functioning healthily and to their fullest capacity. When I first started The Heart of a Parent, my intent was to assist people like myself. People who love children, but don't have them. However, God has since expanded my view and I understand that the heart of a parent is at the root of the issues keeping families from functioning healthily and to their fullest capacity.

What do I mean? Well, those of you who are parents know that if you are tired, hungry, depressed, angry, etc. your patience is much shorter with your children. Well, what I've been becoming much more aware of is that if parents do not take care of their own hearts and deal with their old childhood wounds and issues, they will inevitably injure the hearts of their children.

This seems like "common sense" even as I write it. The problem is that even though it's a simple concept, following through with it can be time consuming, tiring, and painful. But I urge you as parents and future parents to take care of your heart issues. Go deep. Get outside help if necessary. Do whatever you need to do so that you are free to parent and love your children without fear.

Beyond Consequences is a great place to start. www.BeyondConsequences.com Visit the website and get the resources. I will have information coming soon about the Parenting Trainings that I will be offering through The Heart of A Parent. Stay Tuned....

Walk in Love....

A Heart for Parents

2008-05-30T19:56:00.000-07:00

It's been a year since my last and only post. Not much movement. However, recently, God has been pouring into me again about my role as someone who has a parent's heart.

What is a parent's heart? To me, someone with a parent's heart will naturally gravitate toward children. They will easily relate to children and want to nurture them, not just their own. I've always been this way. I LOVE children. I know that parenting is not easy, but I still used to judge parents that I thought were missing it and were way off track. In this last year, God began pointing out some of those judgments and how they were not ok. He began to give me a heart for the parents and show me how I could help them rather than judge. My heart is to help families function at the highest level possible for them.

Later on this year, I will become a Certified Beyond Consequences Therapist. Beyond Consequences is a program that assists parents in rearing their children more effectively. I pray that through this I will be able to help many parents gain the peace and confidence they need to carry out the most important role of their life, PARENT to a child.

More information coming soon. Come back for a visit.

God Gave Me The Heart Of A Parent Before He Gave Me A Child...

2007-03-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well, it's March 17th today and that means there are exactly 84 days until my 30th birthday. I am excited!!! This is going to be the best year of my life. I KNOW it!!!! However, as I reflect on my life, there is no way that this is the dream that I had for myself. Single, no children, living back in my parents home at the age of 30. I'm supposed to be married growing my beautiful family. At times the pain of not being married and not having children has been heartbreaking and almost too much to bear...until recently.

God has given me a new perspective on my life. I LOVE my life. I love all of the experiences that I'm able to walk through because of being single with no children. BUT...what's one to do when they've been given the heart of a parent with no one to parent? Finally, I just had to take a look around at my life. As a single woman, I have trained, spoken into, counseled, taught, played with, and loved more children than some people will ever interact with in their entire lives. AND, I'm not done yet. What that means is I have had the privelage of watching and learning in so many different families without the emotion of the child being mine and the fear of making mistakes which will scar them for life. With that comes insight into the world of parenting that, I believe, can be revolutionize the way parents engage their children.

I do not have all the answers. I don't believe anyone does. Each child, family, and situation is different and children respond differently because they are individuals. There is no cookie-cutter way to parent your child. What I hope to do is share some of the insights I have gained as a Teacher, Guidance Counselor, Camp Counselor, Day Care Center Director, Sunday School Teacher, Mobile Therapist/Behavioral Specialist, God-Mother, and Friend.

I pray that as my family develops and grows, I will be able to show how my Parent's Heart grows, changes, and even ways that it stays the same.

If you are struggling as a parent, you are not alone. Someone out there is going through something similar and experiencing similar feelings. Don't give up. You have the most important job on the planet. I'm honored that you are allowing me nourish your Parent's Heart. It must be strong to accomplish task...until next time...much love and prayer for your journey...